The Secrets we Keep

This is a true story. John, myself and our 5 year old daughter were on the way to church this week.  We were all singing along to Poppy’s favourite Christian CD. This was a beautiful Kodak family moment. Suddenly the sound of a siren pierced the cabin of the car. An ambulance was fast approaching from behind. John was driving and we were in the right hand lane. Beside us in the left hand lane there were two cars, one just a bit ahead of us and one just a little behind. There was just barely a car length between them. We couldn’t get over. The gap between the two cars seemed to get smaller rather than make room to let us in.  With the ambulance almost on top of us, I wound my window down. I was furious. I was going to wave or do something to let them know we needed to get in but what happened was something completely different. I put my arm out the window and I angrily ‘flipped the bird’* at the car behind. Quickly the gap widened and room was made for us to get over. We changed lanes and the ambulance whizzed by.

Have an honest moment with yourself – have you judged me yet?  What were you thinking while you read my story? Maybe you thought ‘I can’t believe she did that’ or ‘I would never do that’ or ‘that’s so bad’. Maybe you’re a little shocked at what I did. You might be a bit disgusted or disappointed with me. Maybe you see me in a whole new light now.

I promised in my first Blog post that I was prepared to smash my mask and be more real. Normally I wouldn’t tell anybody about what happened and I feel like I’ve risked being stoned by being honest about my failings. It’s so much easier to throw a stone at me than to unmask the hypocrisy of your own heart.

“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left.

When I ‘pass judgement’ on someone else I fool myself into thinking  that I am doing something spiritual but in reality, I’ve engaged in the most sinful of all worldly pursuits…I’ve started to play God. For He alone is truly able to judge the thoughts and intent of our hearts. Ohhhh, the hideous nature of self-righteousness, pride and ultimately condemnation is so disgustingly confronting.

I was ashamed of what I did that day. I was and am so aware of my deep imperfections but thankfully Jesus is still using imperfect people, even me.

Have you been able to let go of ‘your judgement of my failure’ yet?

If you have been able to, you’ll have probably given yourself a little Christian pat on the back thinking you’ve done me a favour. Here’s the truth – it was actually for your sake that you dealt with your judgement of me not mine. Why? Because Jesus and I already had it all sorted on Sunday and your thoughts about what I did held no sway in His forgiveness of me – at all. But thanks anyway.

Over and Out

Catherine xoxo

* this is considered to be a rude and offensive hand gesture

8 Responses to “The Secrets we Keep”

  1. Thank you so much for your honesty, Catherine! So many times I see others who seem to “have it all together” and I wonder what hope there is for me to be able to be like them. It’s nice to know that even those I consider more spiritually mature than I am make mistakes, too! I mean, I know in my head that nobody’s perfect, but it’s not often you hear people admit it, and it’s sometimes hard for me not to judge myself against those I somehow consider to be “better” than I am. I actually found your admission to be quite encouraging, and I thank you again for sharing. (And, I’m sorry, but as long as we’re being honest here, I have to admit that I actually found it funny, too.)

    • My first reaction was to laugh too!!! Thank you for your support and encourgement Jeanne. I wish we could all just be real, the church would become such a refreshing and free place. Catherine xoxo

      • When I was still living in Texas, there was one time that I was stopped at a red light when an ambulance with sirens and lights going pulled up behind me. There were cars next to me, too, so the only option I had to get out of the way was to run the light. Even though I’m pretty sure I did the right thing, I still felt guilty about it.

  2. I love your honesty, Catherine! I wish more people were REAL like you! Especially other Christians. We need to accept that we are not perfect and will all fall short OFTEN. Funnily enough, that is why Jesus came and did what he did! So why can’t we be more real with each other and give each other the chance to love anyway!

    • I wish more people were real too. It’s such a lie that we all have to all look good on the surface. There’s no freedom for anyone in that life. I want to see the beautiful bride of Christ swirl and dance in complete freedom because she knows who she is.

  3. Take the plank out of your own eye, before you take the speck out of your brothers eye. Well done for your truthfulness, I have no right to judge you, I can say that confession is worthy of praise. Well done. Vb

    • Thanks Vicky. It was hard to smash my mask at first but I feel the fresh air on my face and I think I like IT!!

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