My name is Catherine and I am fat

You may think that I’m putting myself down so I’ll use the proper medical terminology instead. My name is Catherine and I am in the category that comes after ‘morbidly obese.’ I’m basically so fat they haven’t be able to give it a name yet.

I started to gain weight in high school and it has continued to escalate throughout my life. At my heaviest I’ve weighed as much as 155 kg. It’s been a constant frustration, annoyance and battle. The energy, time and resources I have thrown at it over the last 30 years is incredible. Last year I even took part in a documentary on SBS called the ‘House of Food Obsessives’.

From an aesthetic point of view it doesn’t really concern me.  My husband finds me attractive and desirable and I really don’t care what anyone else thinks. What does concern me is the many weight-related health issues and problems that impact on my day to day life such as Type 2 diabetes, sore feet from collapsing arches, under active thyroid, shortness of breath, sleep apnoea and not being able to wear my wedding rings. I constantly marvel at how easy it is for me to gain weight yet so difficult to lose it? I also marvel at how John can have donuts for breakfast and look like a rake. It just seems so unfair.

As a Christian I often wonder how much God cares about this. In 25 years, despite me bringing the subject up repeatedly with Him, He has never expressed an opinion about it. I’m not saying God doesn’t have one I’m just saying He’s never raised it with me.

What God has raised repeatedly though is my ‘spiritual weight, growth and maturity.’ What do I mean by that? At it’s simplest I would define it as ‘the ongoing process of becoming more like Jesus Christ.’ God has shown far more interest in this than my weight. I may have been obsessed with it over my life but He certainly hasn’t. He just wants his daughter to be more like His Son.

What has distracted you from becoming more like Jesus? Being successful? Making money? Being comfortable? Having children? Running a home? The pursuit of Happiness? Maybe you’re not distracted at all but you just don’t care, you’re apathetic to what God wants to do in you and through you. Maybe you’re held back by an addiction? Maybe you’ve gone the other way and become ‘spiritually fat’ – consuming and retaining resources rather than being a vessel that God can fill up and pour out for others.

In a garden, alone, Jesus wrestles with His death.  He knows what is ahead, what is about to happen to Him. He utters these words to His Dad ‘yet not my will, but your will be done’. I cherish that we are given a ‘look in’ at this intimate and precious moment between a Father and Son. I can’t read these words without being challenged at my naval gazing ways. I  find I can’t hide from the this very simple truth, He gave up everything to save a wretch like me, fat or skinny.

Over and Out

Catherine xoxo

13 Comments to “My name is Catherine and I am fat”

  1. I am a cake/cookie/donuts type addict and pretty overweight. However a friend told me about this and I am losing weight with it. If you are an addict in this category [ie – foods with lots of white flour in them] then you could very well have a serotonin deficiency. White flour produces serotonin in the gut. This is a physical imbalance and can not be cured through mental battling. What my friend told me about was a substance that comes in pill-form. It is called 5-HTP. When taken with B-6 this makes the body produce serotonin. However, it has to be taken on an empty stomach and can cause a little bit of nausea for about a half hour or so. So this is what I am doing… I set my alarm for 1:00am and take it in the middle of the night. Then I go back to sleep again and sleep through the nausea. It is working like a charm. I have had NO cravings for white flour products since I started this. I take 200 ml of 5-HTP with 50 ml of B-6.

  2. You have a wonderful way of saying it just as it is. So raw… honest. Keep up the great work… Nicole d x

  3. I love your work, Catherine. And obviously, God does too. You are so blessed and are such a blessing to others with your openness. I can relate to so much of what you said. Xxx

  4. Honesty and openess can be interpreted many ways – with this I see a desire to be real and the realisation that gaining an understanding of God, who He is, together with becoming friends with Him as the greatest things to focus on – other things may be important but can also be distractions. Your openess challenges, and inspries. Bless you heaps as you continue to focus more and more on Him the giver of abundant Life and Peacen and to become more like Jesus.

    • Thank you so much Pat. You’re support, love and encourgement for me has always felt like a warm coat on a cold day. You’re awesome and inspiring yourself. xox

  5. You so inspire me Catherine! What comfort to be reminded our completeness rests only in Jesus.

  6. Honest and challenging. I pray everyone who reads this blog (me included) gets insight into those things that distract us from what really matters. Not so long ago I remember going to God with my desire for a new (bigger) house that was absorbing way too much of my thought life and very clearly God saying to me, ‘I don’t care where you live. I care how you live.’

    • Angela your honesty and openess delight the heart of God. Keep cultivating His Kingdom in your life and you will continue to ‘see’ more and more of the supernatural in your life. xox

  7. This was great Catherine!:) challenging and well said!!:)

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