A Ladies Only Post

For all the beautiful men in my life that were hoping that this post was going to encourage their wives about the joy of sex or the wearing of beautiful lingerie – sorry not today boys. This post is going to use sentences that contain words like PMT, leakage, cramping and bloating so consider yourselves truly warned – only the bravest of men would truly read on.

I suffer from severe PMT, emotionally and physically. Physically my breasts become so sore that I have pain shooting through them, I bloat like a fattened pig and the cramping is unbelievable. I feel like someone is literally ripping the lining from the wall of my uterus. For some reason ever since having a baby my period has become really heavy. On my heaviest days I have to change my tampon every couple of hours. If I ignore it the consequences are quick and dire. Two or three years ago I went away with 6 other woman to a conference in Sydney. We were all gas bagging one night seated on one of the other ladies hotel room bed. I was sitting at the head of the bed with my back propped up against the pillow. I suddenly felt that all too familiar feeling of leakage. I jumped up and to my horror there was a small smear of blood on the crisp white sheet. I wanted to die, I was so embarrassed. Before the others noticed I came up with a solution. I said ‘I’m really sorry; I’ve leaked on your sheets. Let’s all jump up and strip the bed – we can turn the sheet over and then put the end with the blood on it down the bottom face down.’ Within 30 seconds the bed was remade. I excused myself to change my tampon but didn’t come back to their room. I did what any self-respecting woman would do – I sat on my bed and bawled my eyes out.

I have at least three phases emotionally – ‘pick a fight’, ‘sooky la la’ and ‘I feel like my life is rubbish’. It never ceases to amaze me how when I am in the pick a fight phase how I will absolutely go to the mat fighting for an issue that I couldn’t care less about 5 minutes later. This stage mainly occurs 2-3 days before my period, I know this because I have a handy app. on my Iphone which ‘tracks my period’ and it sends me a little message ‘three days till expected P- day!’ The greatest relief to the ‘pick a fight’ phase is evening primrose oil tablets or as they are known in my house ‘magic pills’. Within half an hour of taking one I just seem to even out again emotionally. They are brilliant. My husband has permission to hand me one whenever he wants during this phase – without being yelled at, that’s the theory anyway.

The other night I knew I was leaving ‘pick a fight’ for ‘sooky la la’ when I cried my eyes out during the Masterchef elimination.

I will have at least one major ‘my life is crap’ speech during my period – don’t we all? It will certainly include some key common sentences from period to period like: everybody wants/expects me to do/be blah blah blah. These speeches must include many irrational and extreme words like ‘never’ and ‘always’ to be truly fitted out.

Some of the positive phases of my period are the very humorous and vague moments that occur, bizarre purchases and the eating of copious amounts of sugar without weight gain. My most favourite thing during these few days a month is those precious friends in whose company I can say ‘I’m pre-menstrual’ or ’I have my period’ and they automatically give me a wide berth for what ever issues arise physically and emotionally. I want to dedicate this post to you. I love you and thank you for every leak that you were ok with, every conversation that’s been terminated because I was getting angry and for laughing with me till we cry over some stupid thing that for the life of me I couldn’t remember 5 minutes later but almost leaked in another way over.

You are the best woman that life has to offer.

Over and out

Catherine xox

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2 Comments to “A Ladies Only Post”

  1. Just read this and laughed my head off! Girlfriends are true blessing from God xxx

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