Potty Mouth

Potty Mouth

I don’t drink or smoke anymore but I still have a few unwanted vices left.  On the surface I look clean but just below a toilet flushes somewhere inside of me and out of it flows manure.  I have often marvelled that out of one side of my mouth I can bless and encourage and speak words of life to others and with the other side of my mouth I can curse and swear and pull others down. Maybe I am just human. I mean most people swear and curse but my bible tells me that ‘out of the heart the mouth speaks’. So what does my mouth then say about the condition of my heart.

Psalm 109:18 reads…

He wore cursing as his garment;
it entered into his body like water,
into his bones like oil.

This verse makes me think of the movie Prometheus. That some ghastly snake like creature has slithered down my throat and died, its death seeping into my bones, giving off a foul stench. But how God? How can I do this, how can I love you so much, love your ways, your thoughts and be so dedicated  to serving you but have such a Potty mouth.

Verse 21 and 22 tells me why..…

But you, Sovereign Lord,
help me for your name’s sake;
out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.

For I am poor and needy,
and my heart is wounded within me.

My heart has wounds that no man can see. It contains curses and words that were spoken over my life, that literally went into my heart and broke it.  It doesn’t matter who or when or what was said. They are there, old, buried, rotting.

Last night as I lay in my bed, my thoughts turned to Poppy. She’s told me she has a secret but she is too embarrassed and ashamed to tell me what it is. I can see that it is eating away at her so I prayed for her and God gave me a strategy to help her talk about her secret. The next day I got her to hold a water bottle lid. No explanation, just hold it. I told her to get dressed while holding it and go to the toilet while holding it which was very awkward!  I asked her if she would like to hold it all day long and she said ‘no’. I told her that ‘holding on to a secret’ was like ‘holding on to that bottle cap’. While she holds on to it she is restricted because it takes away her freedom to move freely. While she is holding it she has this on going awareness that it is always there and that eventually it will become too uncomfortable to hold. That by sharing her secret with me she could let go of the bottle cap and be free. She finally she told me her secret about a terrible dream she had where she was made to do awful things.  I could literally see the weight come off her as she shared.

Now it is my turn to put my big girl pants on and share my secret. I have a Potty mouth. And yes I am talking about the F-word and its close friends. Before now I have only really used it around my nearest and dearest. How beautiful is that?  This is my prayer, God, can you go in to my heart heal the wounds of old  I don’t want to wear the ‘garment of cursing’ any longer. For the last 43 years I have let it flow like oil into my bones and now God with your help I want it to flow back out of my life as the ‘oil of joy, blessing and healing to others. Let me be a vessel of life and not death especially to those that I hold nearest and dearest. Let me throw my bottle cap away and be free….No more Potty Mouth for me. Amen

I am free, I am free, these chains have no hold on me.

Over and Out,

Catherine xoxox

One Comment to “Potty Mouth”

  1. Being human can lead to many problems! That’s not a cop-out, but while we yearn to be holy our flesh is weak. When we get weak enough we reach out for the strength of the Holy One. But we keep coming up with more ways to prove we are human. While I want to focus to prove God’s love (and that helps sometimes) my humanity keeps poking up. We came from dirt to be good potting soil, but we have chosen muck instead and live and talk dirty instead of growing fruit. Not much wonder God sees us as clay, but at least The Potter can make something good out of our dirt.

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